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Today is my stelara day!

You have probably heard commercials about stelara on the television.

" If you’re an adult with moderately to severely active Crohn’s disease, your family and friends may not fully comprehend how real it is. But you know how agonizingly real and debilitating the symptoms can feel at times, slipping away for a while, only to sneak back unexpectedly. "   🙂

I think I can recite it in my head I have heard it so many times.

It is used for a few different things, but it has been a pretty big game changer in managing crohn's disease for me. I am very open about my disease because I always think if what I can share with someone might help them manage their symptoms then it is all worth it. There is currently no cure for crohns, just medications to manage the symptoms and you need to have an amazing support system in your back pocket.

I have an amazing support system! My family has provided me so much support in the last few years and this guy has slept more nights on a hospital roll away in the last 18 years than he probably cares to discuss.

I am in my second year of giving myself shots every 8 weeks. Prior to Stelara I had been on several different medications, tried no medications, tried Humira, and then eventually had small bowel resection surgery to remove the diseased part of my small intestine. In 2015, the docs removed part of my small intestine and the ileocecal valve because there were no meds that were working anymore and I was having blockages where the scar tissue and disease was located. (P.S. I have amazing doctors, both here and at the Mayo Clinic) I am actually participating in a study for Mayo Clinic right now. (That will be an entire post some other day.)

After I had my surgery I had a really good 14 months with hardly any problems, but then it didn't take long before Crohn's Disease reared it's ugly head again. Since I had tried many other medications my doctor recommended Stelara. After battling with insurance for awhile I was finally approved. The first dose of Stelara is given via IV infusion, if you have no reactions to the med then after that initial dose you give yourself shots every 8 weeks or more often based on the stage of your disease and your symptoms.

When I had my first treatment I attempted to freak out my family via snapchat filter. They pretty much said, "Nope, you look normal." Brothers!

While this disease has caused me much heartache since the age of 21, I have to admit it has taught me so much and helped me to cross paths with people I would have never met had we not been #crohnssistas or #crohnswarriors There are good days, fantastic days, bad days and well, sh**ty days. 😉 My current status is good, though, and we want to keep it that way.

Do you know anyone with an autoimmune disease? Any encouraging words from those of you that might be in the same boat or have a family member dealing with disease?

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Have you ever heard of the game Fact or Crap? Well, here is my version!

Here goes nothing...I cannot even tell you, my readers, how many times I have scheduled and quickly unscheduled this post. I even hit publish once and quickly took it back down before anyone saw it, but today is the day. Buckle up this is a windy post!

Here I am publicly facing the facts and sharing my crap. This may be the most difficult post that I have ever written in my life and here I go sharing it publicly for the world to see. I am putting it out for the world to see because I feel if it encourages or inspires one person then it is completely worth it.  Maybe that person is you! I am thoroughly going to lay out the facts and debunk the crap that I tell myself on the daily.

Fact: I have gained back all of the weight I lost in 2011.

Crap: You are an idiot!

Fact: I can still move, exercise, and run!

Crap: Sure, but you can’t run a marathon at your current weight. (I say myth, because I bet if my child’s life depended on it, I could get to the finish line.)

Fact: My clothes don’t fit.

Crap: I look ugly in my clothes.

Fact: I have crohn’s disease and give myself shots to keep my body in remission and to keep it from attacking itself.

Crap: My crohn’s disease causes me to eat junky foods with minimal fiber.

Fact: I am brave and strong and I wrote a children’s book.

Crap: Brave, yes. Not as strong as you once were. And...maybe no one will like the book.

Fact: My why, continues to be my girls and being a positive role model.

Crap: Watching you struggle is not being a positive role model.

Fact: I know all of the ins and outs of exactly what I need to do to get to a healthy weight.

Crap: You know the facts, but it is going to be so much harder now that you have gained it all back.

Fact: I had a fitness business and was a Weight Watchers Leader.

Crap: No one is going to want to believe what you say, because they watched you fail.

Fact: I have to workout in the early morning and plan, plan, plan in order to execute life.

Crap: Ugh, you don’t have the energy, remember you have crohn’s disease, you get worn out easily.

So here I am, arguing in my head with myself.  Weird, right? Yes, it seems weird all typed out that way, but based on conversations I have had with people in my past life and current life this is how our brains work!  I would NEVER call my best friend an idiot, so why do I think it is ok to call myself an idiot?

I have learned SO much about myself in the last 4 years since going back to work full time:

*I have a hard time saying no.

*I overcommit and then my family suffers

* I am a fixer (I want people to be happy and want to fix it if they aren’t)

and the list goes on.

The bonus of going through the last four years is that I now know what things work for me and what truly don’t.  I have an easier time saying no, I think before committing, and I know that I have no control over some of the things that people have to go through in life. Years ago when I was on my wellness journey I learned the importance of exercise, I learned the importance of planning, I learned the importance of putting the right foods in your body.

Here’s what I thought I had learned, but truly didn’t have down 100%:

-I disappointed ______… I guess I will go eat this giant bag of candy.

-_____ really pissed me off today...I guess I will stop at the gas station and get a bag of chips.

-there is not one single night that we can sit down and eat at home tonight, 4 slices of taco pizza on the car ride to where we are going, it is.

Are you kidding me? How much is that going to cost? I guess I will sit down and eat this container of Top of the Tater.

When I worked on myself in 2011 I truly didn’t acknowledge the emotional side of why I do the things I do.

Please, please, please don’t take this post as that I must be some miserable person.  I am truly a very happy, glass full person, but I also want people to understand that even genuinely happy people have things they are working on in order to be the best they can be in life.

This-2019-is MY year!  This is my year to change the way I see all of the crap.  This is my year to get back to healthy. This is my year to publish a freakin’ book.  This is my year to coach people in overall wellness like I had in the past, not just fitness, not just weight, but OVERALL wellness and take them on my journey with me. I thrive when helping others be their best! . This is the year I crush my excuses for good with no time limits, no this much by this date, small changes that create lasting results! My only goal each day is to do better and be better than I was the day before.

Are you with me? Have you been here/there? Am I the only crazy person in this world that battles the facts and the myths? I would love to hear your thoughts!

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