There are so many secrets between mothers and daughters. So many funny and sometimes deep conversations that occur. I have found that at Grace's age some of those conversations are heartwrenching as she is looking for advice about a friend or needing encouragement. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes she talks willingly and other times there are slamming doors and "DON'T COME IN HERE" screamed from her room.
One of those screaming nights happened a few nights ago and magically I received a text from a friend (that had no idea of the stressful parenting evening I had just endured.) She had sent me the cover of this book and said she had thought of me. I ordered it immediately, like didn't even give it a second thought, just hit buy now and thank goodness for Amazon Prime it arrived within 2 days.
It is the coolest, little journal. It gives mother and daughter a chance to communicate through words (Um...perfect for me) and perfect for when Grace might have a question she doesn't want to ask me face to face. We decided that when I was done writing in it that I would put it on her bed and when she had written back to me she would put it on my nightstand so I would know she was done.
The book includes writing prompts and free space, both so that those questions can be asked or deep thoughts can be written. The coolest thing about the book is that there are really no "rules" the only thing we decided for a rule is that what was written inside could only be shared between the two of us, which makes it extra special.
If you are looking for a fun way to engage with your tweenage girl, this is it! Even though we are just getting started with it we both agreed that it is going to be lots of fun!
As I stepped in the shower the other day and nearly tripped and hit my head I couldn’t help but think seriously, why do we need all these different bottles? Then, I answered my own question, let me give you truth number one of being a girl mom. There will never be enough products. When you have one daughter with long thick, straight hair that is in the preteen stage she uses a butt load of shampoo and conditioner and smelly body wash on the daily. When you also have another daughter that you have to force to take showers and has curly hair that she doesn’t exactly like to take care of you; then have to have other products for that kind of hair. Daughter number two does not like the smelly girly stuff and would probably prefer not to use soap in general, so she has regular non-smelly shampoo. I also beg the girls to wash their hair with “the magic keep the crawly bugs away” shampoo a few times a week so we need those products, too. Hence why there are enough bottles of product in our one and only shower to wash the heads of a small nation.
Never, I repeat
never let your daughters hear you talking about your body or theirs. Never use the words I look fat, these clothes
are too tight, that food is going to go straight to my hips, etc. It is fact
that the more girls hear this kind of talk from their parents the more aware
they become of those things on their own bodies. According to studies, 80% of 10-year-olds are
afraid of being fat. Why? Comments about size are everywhere you look! They
hear it at school, on television and they see it on social media. At our house we choose to talk about being
strong and healthy. If you are reading
this and are saying these things in front of your girls I beg you to stop, not
only for girls, but for your own well being, too! So truth #2 You must use positive talk around your
daughters and sons for that matter!
Truth #3, don’t cramp their inner spirit or style. Children don’t come out of the womb knowing about style, size, clothing, or “what looks right.” They come out loving everyone for who they are as a person. Although I may chuckle often at the close my children wear I never make them change their clothing unless it is dirty with mud or manure. Ever since they were little I have allowed them to wear whatever they wanted which meant, a watermelon dress on top of jeans and a sweatshirt may have been worn to church because they thought it looked cool. More recently I turned my head when daughter #2 had sweat pants on that were tucked into her cowboy boots. You see when they’re little they could care less about what they look like or what clothes they have on we put those judgments on them and then teach them to have judgements on other kids. I will try to summarize what Jen Sincero said in her best selling book: We are born not being ashamed of our loud singing voices, we are not born with negative self-talk, we are not born hating our bodies, we are not born judging others. Don’t cramp your daughters style, embrace it and let her shine!
Truth #4 There
will be heartache At some point, as a girl mom you’re going to have lots of
conversations about relationships and heartache. Why that friend that was her
best friend yesterday didn’t play with her today. Or why Harry the Hottie was shooting rubber
bands at her head in class, but while they
were walking to the bus he talked to her like they were best friends. Or my favorite, why did she invite everyone else (key a dramatic,
EVERYONE voice) to her birthday party, expect for me? Your daughter’s heart is going to get broken.
It sucks, it hurts, and you will have to sit on your giant momma bear grizzly
claws to keep them from coming out and swiping said person who broke her heart
with one grizzly swipe. Unfortunately,
it comes with the territory of being a girl mom. I wish I could say I have always handled this
one with grace. I haven’t. My
sister-in-law told me many years ago, “Jenni, when you have your own kids it is
like ripping your heart of your chest and letting it walk around in the big,
mean world.” It’s so true, their
heartaches hurt you a million times more than it probably hurts them. The heartache will pass and the more times
you handle it with grace the more graceful your daughters will become at
handling it the same.
Truth #5-there will be emotions! In all honesty this does kind of go along with #4. At one moment there may be laughter and giggling and literally a millisecond later there may be tears and eye rolling. Enjoy the ride, those moms that have come before me tell me it won’t last forever. Although, as I am typing this I’m not sure they are being honest, as I recall a phone call made to my mom. I left work with a smile on my face, then got to my car heard my phone ding, read an email and within seconds I was calling my mom in tears venting and bawling like a toddler. While there will be strong emotions seeping (sometimes weeping) from our daughters, it is what makes them who they are, more than likely those emotions come from loving hard and dreaming big and huge and there is nothing else I would want from my daughters than to do just that!
Truth #6 Be their first role model! Teach them that if they want to hunt, they can. Tell them that if they want to be a vet some day that they can. Role model dreaming big and huge and tackling challenges that come up. Role model being a strong woman and meeting those challenges face on!
So there they are my 6 Truths about being a girl mom, I would venture to guess that some of these truth could carry over to the truth about being a mom in general. 🙂 Any truths that you would add?